On Seeking Advice in a Complex World

It’s somewhat surprising to me how many pastors fail to seek advice especially when wrestling with complicated issues. This has been true for me as well. There have been times in ministry when I was in too much of a hurry to seek advice. Or, I confidently select a certain path without seeking input from others. There were a few times I gave too much weight to one voice rather than listening to a wider circle of advisors. Some of these failings resulted in spectacular failure.

I can truthfully say this, I’ve never regretted garnering advice from mature colleagues, respected church leaders and from my wife. In this brief article I encourage you to develop your ability to seek advice from others, and do so regularly. It will make you a better pastor and leader.

 What prevents pastors from seeking advice?

 1. Competitive mindset – We avoid anything we think will make us look less competent in the eyes of our peers. Seeking advice seems to fall into this category. Big mistake.

 2. Asking for advice feels like admitting inadequacy – As pastors we want to come across as “professionals” who have expertise and answers. We’ve spent a lot of years and money in educational training. We’ve gained experience through the hard knocks of ministry. We’re supposed to have all the answers. That’s why they pay ministers the big bucks, right? Wrong. Maintaining the façade of adequacy can block us from seeking advice.

 3. Overly self-confident – We are certain we can discover the answers by ourselves. Arrogance is often veiled insecurity.

 4. Hell-bent on our own self-determined path – We make a tough ministry decision, then, afterwards there remains a nagging hesitation that we dismiss. If we took a hard look at that decision, or ask someone else what they think about it we might have to rethink the course we’ve chosen. Avoiding advice protects us from challenges to our plans and ideas.

 5. Rationalizing that others won’t understand our situation – Too often we under-appreciate the ability of others who have the capacity to walk alongside us, comprehend our situation, step into our shoes and provide wisdom.

 Why we need advice:

 1. The world is more complex than ever. The modern world is more complicated making it more difficult for a solitary person to navigate the multiple currents that push and pull us. . The world has radically shifted. We no longer live in 1950. Change is rapid and multi-variant.

 Skillful advice-seekers learn from the experience of others. Wisdom and discernment come through a supportive community in which various viewpoints are put on the table, discussed, debated and prayed through. Learning is best done in a team setting. Seeking advice helps us step back and consider a wider range of pros and cons, exploring additional options than the ones we’ve entertained acting alone.

 2. We tend to dig our own ditches and run in the same ruts, especially as we age. Advice gives us new perspective. Advice opens up to new possibilities that we’ve never considered.

 Someone has confessed, “Sometimes I say I want advice, but mostly I want affirmation.”

 I think there is truth in this statement. More often than not, seeking advice is simply a way of lining up support for our viewpoint.

It’s better to adopt the attitude that seeking advice is seeking disconfirmation, not affirmation. Expect to be challenged when asking for wisdom. Welcome the contrary opinion, the disruptive point of view.

3. Seeking wisdom from wise friends is a spiritual practice and a sign of maturity. Scripture says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Prov 15:22) The Bible urges us to turn to advisors for wisdom.

Wisdom isn’t about knowing. It’s about learning and practice. The first sign of wisdom is seeking wisdom.

4. As fallible humans we are easily fooled by the opinions of strong personalities and by our own tendency towards self-deception. Seeking wisdom helps us recognize harmful influences—external or internal—which may steer us in dangerous directions.

 5. Seeking advice from others affords an opportunity to be humble before others and practice listening. Learning to swallow our pride and ask for advice travels well with biblical virtues such as meekness and humility. The Bible encourages us to this end:

 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” (Prov 11:12) “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” (Prov 13:10)

 Final thoughts on advice:

1. Be intentional about seeking advice. Identify people to whom you can go for regular input. In this way you will develop a circle of advisors who can speak into your life and help you discern wisely. Choose a variety of personalities. Avoid the celebrity types who are always ready to pontificate from their viewpoint. Rather, look for humble, wise people who will listen carefully and draw out the best within you.

2. Ask clarifying questions when advice doesn’t seem right. Sometimes we can be confused by what we hear. Questions help unpack tendered advice. Sometimes advice can simply be off. Questions help us sort out the gold from the dross.

3. Take notes when interacting with others in seeking advice. Writing slows the pace of conversations. Note taking demonstrates respect. Plus, writing is thinking and can help you contemplate what you’ve heard through prayerful reflection.